Top 5 Reasons I Wish I Was Rodman

So clearly my last blog post did not fuck, Apparently college level essays are not accepted here at Personal Fears.

This led me to spiral deep in myself and I had to find my own voice, so I went searching for guidance. Now my parents could not help me, my friends could not help me, god could not help me, but telepathically only one man could help me find my voice. 5x Nba champion, 7x Rebound leader, ex lover of Madonna, former WCW superstar, Kim Jong Un's BFF, Dennis “the worm” Rodman. The one thing Dennis Rodman is better at than rebounding the basketball is just doing whatever he wants. Now is Dennis Rodman perfect, no, but he is himself unapologetically. To be honest I may just pierce my face 10 times and dye a smiley face into my head while I write this. I wish I was Dennis Rodman... and here’s 5 reasons why.

1) Dennis Rodman's unorthodox rise to NBA

Dennis Rodman did not have the ordinary rise to NBA stardom that many have had, he wasn't promised millions of dollars in high school, in fact he wasn't even good at basketball until his 20s. Dennis grew up in the projects of Dallas and according to his not present father he was one of 26-28 children. His mother worked 4 jobs to support the family. Rodman was attached to his mother who was more fond of his basketball playing sisters who at the time were standout athletes. Rodman was only 5,6 as a freshman in high school and was either cut or benched from the basketball and football team every year.  After high school, he was kicked out by his mom, and turned to working as a janitor or car washer for work. Eventually he had a growth spurt from 5,11 to 6,7 and returned to basketball playing for a community college team and a Division 2 basketball school at which he endured racial slurs and was struggling financially at, but eventually his performances as an MVP for his rebounding performances as an undersized power forward at only 6,7 earned him a spot in the NBA draft, leading him to the Detroit Pistons. 

2) Certified Ass clapper 

Now 5x NBA champion is quite the achievement, so is being 7x times rebound leader, but the biggest achievement of them all is the cheek clapping capabilities of Mr. Dennis Rodman. What if I told you that Dennis Rodman’s greatest on court moment was piping down Carmen Elektra on center court. Now if you do not know who Carmen Electra is, google is your friend here trust me. He spent so much timing piping down Ms. Electra that Michael Jordan had to go get Dennis Rodman and force him back to practice. Now if you chose not to google (huge mistake) Everyone knows Madonna, but did you know that she wanted Mr. Rodman's kids and even had our boy catch a flight down while she was ovulating as he claims she offered him 20 million for his seed. A true certified ass clapper.


3) WWE STINT

Now when we think of dual sport athletes we usually think Bo Jackson or Deion Sanders but so is Dennis Rodman. Now you're probably thinking yo WWE is mad fake but this is my blog post and in my blog post we say wrestling is a sport. Dennis Rodman had a stint on WCW at a time when professional wrestling was popular enough to warrant appearances on Saturday night live and late night talk shows. Dennis Rodman wanted to wrestle and did alongside Hulk Hogan and wrestled the likes of Lex Luger and “The Giant” He even skipped a practice during the NBA finals in 1998 and disappeared without letting anyone know to wrestle on Monday night nitro. Yes he skipped a practice for one of the most important series in NBA history in order to go wrestle with his friends.4) FRIENDSHIP W/ Kim Jung Un

Now if you say that you don’t want a dictator for a friend you're lying. Yes dictators are bad, yes they do evil things, but they got that evil money. Kim Jung Un overall not cool dude but does happen to be an avid basketball enjoyer, looks like me and Kim got something in common. Kim Jong Un invited Dennis Rodman out to North Korea to help train the North Korean Men's Basketball team, and Rodman later told Kim that he was a friend for life. Rodman eventually asked Kim to release Kenneth Bae and Kim did, this leads me to assume that Rodman and Kim probably have friendship bracelets, talk about girls, and even let Rodman play with the nuclear launch button at least once (while it was off of course) .


5) SWAG GOD

Harry Styles and Machine Gun Kelly gotta give my boy Dennis credit where credit is due. Everyone today wants to look like 90’s Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman did it all in the fashion game, Dresses, different colors and prints dyed into his hair, crop tops, mad face piercings, tribal tattoos, glitter, velvet, leopard print. He essentially looked like a 6 foot 7 Euphoria character. Words do not do it justice, here are some pictures for your eyes.

 

Check out the Rodman-inspired Playlist


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